Tuesday randomness

I hate that my blog seems to have taken such a complete back seat at the moment! Some of you know that I suddenly find myself with extremely limited net access, which is the most spectacularly large pain in my arse…but that story is for another day.

I’ve had a lot of lovely emails recently from people who wanted to know how I am doing. I really appreciate these, thank you so much! J

I’m doing fine. I have been really trying hard not to think about the cancer at all, and now that I am feeling so much better, it’s been quite easy to do so! However, I got a letter telling me to come for some scans, and went for those yesterday. I felt very nervous about going. Every time I am forced to think about it all, I get that numb feeling in my arms and legs again…isn’t it funny how you can mostly feel fine, but blind terror apparently still lurks behind every corner!

If the tests show anything that looks dodgy, they’ll call me in very quickly. The next few days are going to be rather nerve wracking as I wait to see if the phone rings. They’ve said if all looks well, I’ll just see my consultant in September as planned.

In answer to a few recent questions- I still do not have “the all clear”, I am not in remission or anything like that. I still feel a bit in limbo as I wait to see if they can find any more of it. I’m not really sure how long you have to go with no evidence of disease before they will say you’re in the clear, I think it may be several years. In the meantime, I’m getting on with it! Time waits for no girl!

My business empire is, in the meantime, going really well! I’ve bought three bundles of clothes so far and all of them have sold for a good profit. I have my toe in the water! I have to say that this has been the steepest learning curve of my life- but a really good one. I’ve learned a lot in the past few weeks and continue to learn every day. It’s been a while since I felt challenged like this, and it’s very exciting! So far I have made almost £400 which is not bad for a week or so’s part time work! It will hopefully let me spoil the kids rotten when we go on holiday at the end of next week.

My pony Morning seems to be responding fairly well to the treatment they’ve given her for the sore muscles. We’ll have to wait a couple of days now that the treatment is finished to see how she does without painkillers. I am going down there tomorrow night to see how she’s coping.

Robbie has suddenly developed an obsession with the horses! Carly (my other mare) is retired but still fine for the kids to bounce around on, and she has recently displayed patience which normally results in Canonisation…Robbie will charge down the field yelling “Hello, Ladies!!” at the horses (which is what he hears me say to them) before insisting on riding Carly. She’s very big compared to him, but he’s totally fearless! He just sits on her back with me holding him by the back and leg, and she potters around the field eating grass while he yells “Hurry up, horsie!” at her- he is the cutest thing! When we’re away, I will definitely pay for him to have a ride at the riding school across the way from our holiday house. They have small ponies there which will be much more fun for him.

Ricky is also doing well. He’s now finished at nursery school and can’t wait to go into P1 this September. Leigh’s daughter, and Ricky’s great amigo, Sophie, is going to be in the same class as him, to both their great excitement! Ricky tells me that he will sit beside Sophie in class. He’s also planning on learning to drive as soon as he’s old enough so he can take her out!!! Is it any wonder that Leigh and I practically have our hats bought already!

Actually, Ricky’s daycare had to have a “word” with me, which those of you who are parents will know is never a good thing. Apparently, there was an incident involving Ricky, “Little Ricky”, and a bunch of six year old girls. I have now appraised Ricky of the fact that “Little Ricky” should remain in Knicker Land at all times unless for scheduled appearances…either way, two small girls practically threw themselves at him on his way out of the daycare last night, so clearly they haven’t been left mentally scarred by this incident. If anything, it seems to have increased his popularity! 😀

I am heading out for dinner with my great friends Heather and Jacinta tonight. I think this will let me blow off some much needed steam! The diet has taken something of a bashing this week. I don’t think I’ve gained any weight, but I’m just lucky about that! Still, I am about 15lbs down on where I was six weeks ago, which can’t be bad.

Oh, BTW there is a password protected post in the pipeline in the next few days. I will be using the same password as last time- if you need it, please don’t feel weird about asking!!! 😀

I had a lot of dreams last night about Donegal- we’re planning a holiday there for three weeks next month (YEE-HAAAAAA!!). You probably won’t remember THIS post, but I can’t wait to get to that beach, go in to the water and do exactly what I described in that post. You’ll think I’m insane, but one of the rocks has a smiley face on it- it’s clear as day- and every time I’m in the water there, I look at that rock and can’t help but smile too. That’s my main focus at the moment. Smile, and the world smiles with you. Stick your grumpy frown on, and that’s all you’re ever gonna get back!!

Bits and pieces

Well, my appointment with the surgeon is this morning- I imagine that, like every man and his dog for the last eight months, he will wish to look at my boobs. For this reason, I have taken the prudent step of wearing a skirt instead of my usual dress to work. Some of you may remember that before my first appointment with the oncologist before my radiotherapy, I did not make this astute decision and ended up having to almost completely strip, to my horror and humiliation!

I’m not 100% clear on what this appointment is for. I think he’ll probably just want to check that I am healing properly. Of course, after the radiotherapy, my burnt skin is peeling off that boob in chunks, so it’s even less of a pretty sight than usual.

I’ll also be waiting for him to comment “You’re looking well”, to which I will be forced to reply, “Well, I’ve put on two stone and all my hair has fallen out since I last saw you. But thanks for lying!” 😀

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I have a really busy weekend planned! On Friday night, I will be going for drinkies and takeaway at my friend Heather’s house. I’ve been looking forward to it for weeks and weeks! Heather is the daughter of regular commenter here, Bernadette, and is one of my oldest friends. 🙂 I think I may be reading her tarot for her. Large amounts of wine will be drunk.

Saturday would have been my Mum’s 60th birthday. She died in October 2007. My brothers, Dad and I are meeting to visit her grave and go for lunch. I miss her a lot- she would have been so happy to see the boys growing up as they are, and it’s still weird not picking the phone up to tell her about all the little things they’ve been doing.

After lunch, Dad is dropping me to the train station and I will be heading to Coleraine to stay with my Aunt, who will, as you all know, spoil me to within an inch of my life!! She’s booked for us to go to a restaurant in Portstewart called Preference, and from the reviews it has had on Trip Advisor, it looks like it should be a wonderful meal!

On Sunday, I will get the train home and take the boys out somewhere nice for the rest of the day. Ian will need a break by then!

Should be a nice weekend, in any case.

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I have a new project, now that my treatment is over!

I’m writing a children’s book! It’s a rhyming one, as I have always had an aptitude for rhymes. I highly doubt it will ever be published or anything like that, and it’s definitely more a bit of fun for my children than anything else. I’m not giving away my plot line just yet! 😉

I mainly want to see if I can do it or not.

Watch this space! 😀

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Also, a couple of things about my blog- I have now enabled your ability to reply to individual comments made on here, rather than you just having the ability to reply to my post. So, if another commenter says something you want to respond to, hit the “reply” button to the side of their comment and it will let you respond to them rather than to me. Nifty!!

My little visitor map at the top right hand side reset itself yesterday. There appears to be some kind of archive once a year, so it now looks like I’m a Billy No Mates! 😀 I really enjoy looking at the map and marvelling at all the places around the world I’ve managed to invade, ha ha! I believe you can still see the old map, should you wish to do so, by clicking on the map and then clicking on the archive. If you ever really wanted. Yeah, maybe not. Ahem. 😀

Dreams and other stories

Wow, things like trips, appointments and other general gubbins mean that this is probably going to be the longest post in history! 😀

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Firstly, I had my first ever dream about a blogosphere friend!

This dubious honour goes to More Than An Electrician (MTAE as we all know him!), and the details are sketchy and embarrassing, but thankfully involved no removal of clothing or anything unsafe for children. I give it a rating of PG. Somehow in my dream, I wasn’t involved with Ian but had started seeing Monty Halls, whose show based on his experiences of living in a remote part of Scotland we’ve been watching on BBC2!

Anyhow, me and the delectable Monty had only just hooked up in my dream, he was dressed in an immaculate suit- not the kind of man I normally go for, and from what I have seen on his program, not his usual attire either!! So- I was very keen to impress. It occured to me in my dream that I knew a celebrity!

Yes, you’ve guessed it- MTAE!

For those of you who are not familiar with MTAE, he’s currently embarking on a new adventure, setting forth into the world of stand up comedy. I know he’ll be brilliant, because he makes all of us who read his blog laugh so much! He can also run pretty well, and is working towards competing in a full distance marathon in a few day’s time. Yep, an all round Superman, I think you’ll agree.

Anyway, in my dream, MTAE was not only a famous comedian, and household name marathon runner, but he also owned a very posh….sandwich bar….and of course I decided that this would be a great place to take my fab, muscle bound new boyfriend on our first date. 😀 The sandwich bar was very nice- we had ham and cheese paninis- but sadly MTAE did not make an appearance and Monty was very disappointed. I feel like I have lost points there. 😀

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We had Ricky’s speech therapy appointment last Wednesday. It went well- the lady who assessed him seemed largely unconcerned about his speech too. The only area for improvement is that he made a “b” noise instead of a “p” noice a few times- apparently these are the same action, but you put more emphasis on a “p”. She’s going to give us some exercises to work on for this, but he made a “p” noise very well when prompted and she said it wasn’t a big issue. Apart from that his speech is at the level of a 4 1/2 year old, and as he’s just over 4, he seems to be right on track.

She was really pleased with his vocabulary and by how outgoing and friendly he was. He’s really easily able to have conversations with strangers and is not a bit shy- I am really proud of how great he is at having conversations with anyone and everyone.

One thing that really mortified me- one of the pictures she showed him and asked him to identify was a vacuum cleaner, and he couldn’t tell her what it was!!! The pic was of an upright cleaner, and we only have a small one, but still! 😀 Must try harder!!

I was glad of the reassurance, though. We go back in a month’s time, but only as a precaution.

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Ricky and I had our big trip to Scotland last Thursday! It was so exciting!

Of course, the weather didn’t cooperate and it was snowing pretty hard when we were boarding the plane. It was a bit of a shame because on the outbound flight, he couldn’t see anything when we were taking off and I think that took away from the excitement of his first flight a little, but the cloud cleared when we got closer to Edinburgh and he could look down on the snowy mountains below. He loved it! One funny comment though was when he could see areas of forest against the snow, and because he had no frame of reference, he asked me if it was poo! 😀 I said to him, no, it’s trees, and the look on his face when he looked back and realised it was because they were so far below was priceless!

We went to Edinburgh Zoo for the day, and again, it snowed a LOT! It was too wet to lie, but was at least better than the rain! The zoo was a lot of fun but seemed a little lacking in animals that were willing to show their faces. I guess they didn’t like the snow any better than we did!

The lions could be heard but not seen; the zebras were hiding in the bushes, and (to Ricky’s huge disappointment and my massive irritation at having needlessly climbed a mountain in the snow) the Giant Anteaters were long gone.

They DID have rhinos, a cute pygmy hippo, some stunning and quite incredibly massive sea eagles, and, best of all, a gorgeous koala bear, which I could seriously have taken home! My favourite though were the tapirs, which were really friendly and kind of beautiful. 🙂

The weather cleared when we were heading back to the airport, so the take off on the way home was much more fun for Ricky. He could see up into the Highlands and really enjoy it. That said, even the turbulence in what is locally known as the Vomit Comet couldn’t keep him awake, and he fell asleep as we flew over Ailsa Craig!

A lovely day out- thanks so much to my brothers and Dad for funding a wonderful day out!

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Quick update on me- the chest infection is finally lifting, and I really am starting to feel more like myself again.

I am really glad to be getting back on track after everything the last eight months has thrown at me! I am still very easily tired out, but I think this is improving on almost a daily basis. This is just as well, as I really need to get my skates on and get running for this run in May that I am doing!

Work has kind of got on top of me, so I am once again sorry for being behind in everyone else’s blogs. I swear that one of these days I will be back on top of it all!

New month, new leaf!!

Right, I think I am just going to have to write February off as far as blogging went. It’s kind of hard to know how to get back into it now, but I really want to. As of today, I will working harder at it!

I finished my treatment on Friday! It actually feels rather strange to be finished with the constant hospital trips, but great at the same time. It will be weeks before I feel back to normal, but I look forward to that day hugely. 🙂 We have a week booked at Easter for the house in Donegal and I am counting the days! It feels like it’s been a long time coming that I can plan a holiday without thinking how it’s going to fit in with my treatment.

The first question people ask me when they hear I have finished treatment is “did they get it all”- the answer is, I don’t know, but I really hope so! They have thrown the kitchen sink at it, and I am glad they have. If this thing is going to come back, most likely it will do so within two years. I’ve read that, if you get to two years, you should get to five years, and if you get to five years, you should get to ten years…here’s hoping. 🙂

I see the surgeon on 12th March and my oncologist in three months or so, just, in his words “so they can check that I am not misbehaving!”

The chest infection is still there but I finally feel like I might be starting to claw back at it a little bit. I was looking back through my blog and I think I started to get this around Christmas. Ughhh. I won’t be sad to see the back end of it!

I have lots more to say but the kids are being hallions here- it must be the “post breakfast sugar rush” so must go and referee!!!

Yikes! Has it really been that long?!

OK, OK, I have been very MIA of late. Thanks very much to everyone who has sent me a message asking if everything is alright- it meant a lot to me.

Sometimes it’s hard to blog when  you feel like you have nothing positive to say, and it’s been partly a case of that and partly a case of having virtually no net access.

My oncologist made me take some time off work. I am VERY much hoping he will let me go back next week, but I haven’t worked yet this month, which is very frustrating. I have fun at work- the guys I work with are a constant pick-me-up through my recent illness, and not being around them is (whether they know it or not!!) not good for my health!! 😛 I miss them.

I’ve had this chest infection for, I think, around six weeks or so now. It won’t go away no matter what antibiotics I take and has really dragged me down, hence the oncologist insisting that I take some time off. I feel like I have the flu most of the time and can’t stop coughing, which is a right pain in the arse.

I ended up back in hospital again about two weeks ago (feels like a YEAR!!) and they took some chest x-rays. My oncologist saw some things on the x-ray that he wasn’t happy about- apparently there were enlarged blood vessels in my lungs which could indicate cancer. Naturally, I was devastated and terrified- noone wants to get to this stage of their treatment and be told that, well, actually there’s not much they can do. The oncologist ordered a CT scan which I had last week, and thank goodness the CT scan was clear. I don’t think I have ever been so relieved about anything! I had really managed to get my knickers in a twist, especially with all the stuff in the news of late about Jade Goody…I feel so bad for her and her family. 😦

ANYHOW- my radiotherapy treatment is now more than half way over- woo-hoo! It’s going OK, but making me feel constantly exhausted. It’s also a massive nuisance having to go to the hospital every day for it. It isn’t the same hospital as my chemo was done, it’s at the other side of Belfast, so takes a while to get to and from each day. Still, with luck, in under two weeks my treatment will be done and I can move on. 🙂

My hair is coming out again- grrrr- it must be because my last chemo session was delayed. I reckon another day or two and I will be having to wear the headscarf again. I feel frustrated by this, but it isn’t nearly as hard as it was the last time. I’ll get through it!

I hope that is enough of a pity party for you all to be going on with! Can you see now why I haven’t been blogging? 😀 Sometimes it just feels like there’s no point if you don’t have anything nice to say.

Hope everyone is well- I am still only with very limited web access and haven’t even tried to get up to speed with everyone else’s blogs. I will be doing so over the next week or two. I have really missed blogging, and feel a bit out of the way of it now, so will try to get back at it  now! 🙂

Chemo is finished!

Hey everyone

I am sorry I have been so MIA this week. There has been a lot going on with me that I can’t blog about, and it’s been taking up a lot of time the past week or so. Whew!

I won’t get a chance to read or comment on anyone’s blog for another couple of days. I am very sorry, and really miss everyone. Please bear with me and rest assured that I still love you all, ha ha! 😀

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I did finally get my last round of chemo yesterday, and am feeling completely wiped out today. I am so very glad it is over and done with!

I start my radiotherapy on Monday, every weekday for four weeks.

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Ricky’s speech- we are going to get the referral to get his speech checked out. Better safe than sorry!

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My brothers have very kindly chipped in to send me and Ricky to Edinburgh, Scotland for the day which we’re doing at the start of March. Ricky has wanted to fly somewhere for ages, and I reckon the short half hour flight will be perfect for his first go.

Plus, I love Scotland and it should be a fun day out. Edinburgh has a great zoo, so the plan is to fly in at about 9am, spend a few hours at the zoo, which is only 4 miles from the airport, and then fly home again that afternoon. Ricky is BEYOND excited about it!

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I have removed the headscarf! I’m still a bit baldy, but there’s enough hair on my noggin to get away with it. I got fed up with all the pitying smiles in the supermarket. 😛

That’s pretty much it for now…you probably won’t hear much from me until next week now, but you all know where you can find me anyway!

Another no-go

Well, as suspected, they cancelled my chemo for today again. I’m disappointed but not surprised.

I had a chest x-ray which confirmed that I have a deep seated chest infection, but thankfully nothing more sinister is at work.

So- two different types of antibiotic to take simultaneously, and hopefully that might shift it!

We’ll try again next week. The dr is hopeful that my radiotherapy won’t need to be postponed, which I am delighted about. 🙂

It’s all a bit frustrating!

Didn’t get my chemo :(

I’ve had a bit of a chest infection, and they decided that the risk of me getting pneumonia was too great, so they delayed my last chemo to next week so I can take a course of antibiotics.

To say I am disappointed is an understatement- I really hoped that I’d have finished my treatment today, but I guess it’s only a week. I will try to be philosphical!

Never mind, huh!

Radiotherapy Planning Meeting

Yeah…that’s what the letter said. What they didn’t say was- we’ll make you wait for an hour, you’ll see the dr, get almost entirely undressed, because we didn’t warn you there’d be an examination and you turned up wearing a DRESS, get drawn all over with a felt tipped pen, have a CT scan in your knickers (again because you wore a dress), and then get three tatoos on your boobs so we can give you the radiotherapy… 😀

Luckily, the dr turned out to be good old Dr Abram, my regular oncologist. We normally see him at the hospital where my chemotherapy is given. They don’t have facilities to give radiotherapy, so it is done at a bigger hospital in Belfast. The centre itself is very big and brand spanking new, and the staff seem lovely.

They really should have told me a bit more about what was going to happen today in the letter they sent with my appointment. I just thought I’d be having a chat with the dr and signing a consent form, or something.

The tatoos are absolutely minute- one on either side under my arm at the side of my boob, and one in the middle of my chest. I knew they gave you three tatoos but somehow always assumed it would be on my right boob where they need to give the treatment.

The CT scan was apparently to check the location of my heart and lungs. They drew more stuff on me before that. It’s very undignified lying on your back in a pair of knickers, getting your boobs drawn all over with your hands in the equivalent of those leg stirrups they used to make women in labour use… 😀

The tatoos weren’t particularly sore, a bit like getting an injection. It did confirm for me though that I will never have a real one. Mine are more like Phoebe in Friends- “The World as Seen From a Very Great Distance”!

The treatment itself will start in about three weeks. It will make me feel tired and my boob feel sunburned, but I shouldn’t be sick or achey they way I am with the chemo. It will take place every day Monday to Friday for four weeks.

Other big news- my hair seems to be growing back!!! I am so pleased, I didn’t think it would start to grow back for months yet, but I guess the taxotere isn’t as hard on hair follicles as the FEC, I will take it where I can get it, ha ha!

So, that’s your “cancer update” for this week! 🙂

Ding dong, the PICC line’s GONE!!!!

OH I am SO HAPPY!!!

When I went to get my picc line dressings changed earlier, they found it had moved yet again, by a distance of 3cm (HOW! The bloody thing was taped down!) and they were going to have to change it- yet again.

However they have decided to simply find a vein for my last treatment, so they took it out! You have no idea the relief!

I had bought a bottle of Moet & Chandon to celebrate the New Year, but instead, I will be having a bath for the first time in months (don’t worry I have been showering with cling wrap over the dressings!) and plan to crack open that bad boy and enjoy my newly-freed arm! 😀

That bloody thing has been the bane of my life since it went in. I will NOT lament its departure!!!

I feel like my treatment is suddenly much closer to being done now. YAY!!!!!