Archive for October, 2008


Weird stuff

OK, I still have a temperature, but lay low today and actually feel OK if I have pain killers, so things are, I hope, improving, despite my “woe is me” posts of the last few days. Sorry about that! 😀

Can you tell that mentally, I feel a bit better too? I never was good at keeping these things to myself!

Couple of silly things tonight, apart from my complete u-turn on my “I feel like shit and want to pass my misery on to AAAAALLLL of you” post of yesterday!

Firstly, can I thank my Dad for calling at the house today with a spectacular and very delicious homemade spinach and cheese lasagne for me. He’d heard that spinach was a great anti cancer food, and hand picked his own home grown veggies before cooking it for me. Believe me when I say that fathers DO NOT get any better than my Dad. He is the best person I know- always there when I need him, with love and support, kindness and wisdom, willing to overlook my foul temper and forgive my many shortcomings. Plus he’s a killer cook, great company, whisky connoisseur, and outstanding person in every way. Love you, dad. The lasagne is, in the words of Robbie, DEEEEEEE-di-dous. 😀

Next- my cat is making me very jumpy. Those of you who are regular readers will be familiar with the fact that my cat Max is huge, ginger and white, and as lacking in brainpower as he is lacking in nastiness. He’s scared of Robbie, who persecutes him relentlessly, but he never retaliates, and acts in a very sweet and self sacrificing manner with the kids at all times. Max is not a particularly demonstrative cat when it comes to me. He’s very big, and I am not. Therefore, he finds sitting on my knee normally to be an uncomfortable experience which is best avoided. In his 8 years, he’s maybe sat on my knee three times, for a period of about 30 seconds at a go. Now- the past three days, Max has been on my knee ALL THE TIME. Plus, I’ve not been well, so have been in bed most of the time, and he’s been constantly at my side. Florence Nightingcat. What the hell is the deal? Cats are meant to have ESP- does he know something I don’t??? It’s making me TWITCHY!!!! If I find out at my next scan that there is a spread of this bloody thing that they hadn’t found before, I’ll bloody well know that HE knew first!!!

Lastly, the weather. We have very temperate weather here- it doesn’t get very hot, it doesn’t get very cold. Pretty much the same shit all year round. It rarely snows.

Well, this is the scene from Ricky’s bedroom window yesterday afternoon. It’s not the best picture in the world, but it was snowing pretty good, and although it didn’t really lie, I thought it was blog worthy just because it’s October, and when I was a kid, we regularly went into the sea in Donegal at Halloween!! Crazy for this time of year!


Anyhow- hopefully I won’t whine too much for the next few days. I’m going to try and work tomorrow…

Now- off to reply to all your many comments, which I have been neglecting! 🙂


A little bit MIA

Hey all

I’m not really coping very well with this latest dose of chemo, so haven’t been around much…sorry.

I can’t seem to stop throwing up and feel flu-ey. I have a temperature this evening and strongly suspect that another hospital stay is on the cards.

I’m going to call the hospital in the morning and will most likely go and get my bloods checked, HOPEFULLY they will let me come home, but I don’t feel all that optimistic!

Anyhow, it was just to explain my absence…thanks to everyone for the recent comments. I promise to reply as soon as I can!


Well, this pretty much SUCKS

Ugh, chemotherapy has got OLD. I’ve been feeling really unwell for the past nearly-week, since getting my second dose of FEC on Tuesday. I wasn’t too sick until Friday, but have been feeling as rough as the proverbial badger’s arse ever since.

I do feel a little better this evening, but it’s a slow road. The chemo definitely has affected me psychologically too. It was the same in the first cycle- I felt very uncharacteristically down in the dumps for about a week. I absolutely hate feeling depressed (not that anyone LIKES it, you know what I mean!), and this is really new territory to me. I hope it will be like last cycle and I’ll start to feel mentally stronger soon.

I think one of the compounding factors was on Friday night, I took a shower, and SOOO much hair came out. Sure, it’s been falling out a lot, but about half of what I had left came out. I’m left with weird patchy clumps everywhere, and it looks horrendous. I cried my eyes out- how pathetic am I- and can’t face looking at it now. I’ve been wearing a headscarf permanently, and can’t bear the thought of anyone seeing my head. It’s weird when I thought I was OK with short hair- but short hair and complete baldness are apparently two very different things as far as my brain are concerned. I actually think it will be easier to deal with once the hair is all gone. But for now, it’s hard.

Yesterday was also the first anniversary of my Mum’s death. Ian looked after the kids and the rest of us went out for lunch to one of my Mum’s favourite restaurants, The Cuan in Strangford, before going to her grave. It was THE most revolting day, bucketing with rain, as if my Mum was giving off stink for being dead!! Wonderful family friend and regular commenter here, Bernadette McP, had very kindly come all the way from Trim in Co. Meath on Friday to do flowers for Mum’s grave. Bernadette, they are absolutely stunning and I can’t tell you how touched we are by them. You are truly a very special woman and a great friend.

I miss my Mum terribly, especially when I’ve been so sick. She was a doctor, and would have been filled with advice for me. Maybe though, when she’d been so sick herself, it would have just been too much for her to bear. I know she is at peace.

I have no doubt that soon, I’ll feel better again. Days like this though, you can feel the weeks and months stretching out ahead of you, and wonder if you’ll ever feel back to normal again. It’s the thought of brighter times ahead that are making me keep my eye on the prize.

The prize my eye is on, apart obviously from being cancer free, is a family break to the house in Donegal at Easter. Maybe by then I will be through the chemo and radiotherapy, and will be back on the road to being Suzy as we all know her, once again!

Thanks for reading my self-indulgent moan- if you got this far, you get a special cyber Gold Star! 😀


Ricky’s new song

Ricky informed me this evening that he had learned a new song in school. I asked what it was called. He replied, “My Elephant has a Big Winkle”.

Utterly scandalised, and horrified that someone in his nursery school could have taught him a rude song, I was in the process of saying “WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!” when Ian came back into the room, pissing himself laughing, and telling me to calm down, that what Ricky was in fact saying was “My Elephant has a Big WRINKLE”.

Um, listen more carefully in future before hitting detonate, Suze…. 😛

Is my mind REALLY so firmly in the gutter???


What kind of sandwich are you?

Stolen from my friend Jennie! It came out the same as you, Jennie. I think I sound a bit boring! 😀

You Are a Grilled Cheese Sandwich

You are a traditional person with very simple tastes.

In your opinion, the best things in life are free, easy, and fun.

You totally go with the flow. And you enjoy every minute of it!Your best friend: The Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

Your mortal enemy: The Ham Sandwich


Spaghetti & Meatballs

I made this for the kids dinner tonight. It’s pretty quick and easy, and not too bad nutritionally, especially as the meatballs are grilled. The recipe should serve 6.

For the Meatballs-

700g lean beef mince
1/2 medium onion, finely chopped
1 large clove garlic, finely chopped
2 eggs
1 tbsp tomato puree (ketchup would do)
about 50g mature cheddar cheese, grated (monteray jack, or mexicana would be good alternatives)
1-2 tsp mixed herbs
1 red chilli, finely chopped, if liked

For the Sauce-

700g jar passata
1tbsp olive oil
1/2 medium onion, finely chopped
1-2 cloves garlic, finely chopped, depending on taste
1-2 tsp mixed herbs- fresh herbs would be delicious if you have a herb garden!
A splash of red wine
1 tbsp tomato puree
salt and black pepper to taste

1. To make the meatballs, throw all the ingredients in a large bowl and mix well- you could use a spoon but I find clean hands the best option for this job!
2. Take a dessertspoon sized amount of the mix in your hands, kneading briefly before rolling between your palms to make a ball approx. 2 inches in diameter.
3. Place the meatballs on a hot preheated grill. Cook for approx 8-10 minutes, turning when the top becomes browned. If you need to, reserve the first ones off the grill on a plate whilst the rest cook!
4. To make the sauce, gently saute the onion and garlic in a large heavy based pan with the olive oil for around 5 mins, until softened and translucent.
5. Add all the other ingredients, and simmer gently for around 10 minutes. Because the passata is already thickened, you shouldn’t need to cook it for any longer than this.
6. Carefully add the meatballs to the sauce and gently stir in. You can simmer if you like for a few minutes.
7. Serve over spaghetti or other pasta of your choice. You can serve with freshly grated cheese, garlic bread, a nice salad and, most importantly, a big glass of red wine. 🙂

The meatball mixture will also make pretty nice burgers, if you prefer. Enjoy!



Happy Birthday To Me!

Well, another year added today! I am now 33- yikes!!

I had my second round of chemo this morning. I so far don’t feel quite as bad, but it was a couple of hours later this time than last time so it may not really hit for a little bit yet.

All my bloods looked completely normal, and I got the results of an ECG they did last week and my heart is working perfectly well too, so it looks like apart from the obvious, I am pretty healthy, touching wood! 😀

My PICC line also worked, which was a relief!

Hope everyone is having a good day. I plan to celebrate by trying not to be sick this evening! I am going to be like the Queen and have an honorary birthday when my treatment is over, probably sometime in April, so I plan to live it up and have a great time then! 🙂

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