Where to start, where to start?

Hello, friends. It’s been more than two months since my last confessions… 😀

I actually do **really think** that this time, my blog is back for good.

A lot has happened recently. It’s hard for me to even begin to put it all in a sequence, or to try and make sense of it all. Suffice to say, it’s been nigh on impossible for me to think straight enough to actually blog.

I handed in my notice in work today. I’m not going to go in to detail here, at least for the forseeable future, so if you want to know, email me privately. The company I work for have been wonderful to me, very supportive through my illness, but various circumstances recently have made it impossible for me to continue working there. The decision to leave was very painful for me, but I think essential.

So, this evening, I’m feeling a bit ambivalent, to be honest. My wee ebay business is going from strength to strength- long may it last. It’s going to be paying the bills from now on, and that both excites and terrifies me!

I’m really looking forward to spending more time with my kids. Ricky is absolutely DISGUSTED that he still has to go to primary school while me and Robbie will be at home. I have tried to explain to him why it’s necessary, but I think, although he really enjoys school, he sees it as some kind of punishment!

I’ve just got back from an absolutely wonderful three day trip to London with my Aunt- definitely a post about that coming up in the next few days!

I do have a lot- an awful lot- to write about at the minute. I leave work at the end of November- the whole “blog therapy” thing will no doubt be invaluable to me around then!

Blogging might be a little bit intermittent over the next week or two, and I will have to work hard to get back to speed with those of you whose blogs I read. I cannot begin to tell you how much I have missed all of my blog friends- I hope you might still have a place for me.

Before I go, there are a few people I want to send shouts out to.

Firstly, regular reader Emma C has just had her first baby, a gorgeous wee girl called Kitty! Congratulations Emma!

Secondly, equally regular reader Emma G has announced her second pregnancy! Woohoo! Emma G has been massively supportive to me, and gives the best advice ever. She should seriously consider charging for her services. 😛

Thirdly, can I publicly thank my friend The Taoist Biker for sending me some truly fantabulous CD’s for my car. They are as long and varied as they are enjoyable, and have been on constant play ever since!!

Finally, you might remember that a while ago, my friend Kristi found out that her beautiful daughter Gabriella needed a new heart. Very sadly, Gabriella recently suffered a stroke. She’s making absolutely incredible progress, but the whole family is constantly in my thoughts. If you have a few minutes, head over to Kristi’s website to read the whole story and marvel at this incredible little girl and her strong will to fight back.

More to come in a few days!

Wise words

A very good friend, in response to my protected post yesterday, emailed me the following words of wisdom, and I think they are worth sharing! 😉

To that very good friend, thanks for everything. No, really. If it wasn’t for you, I’d probably have cracked up by now and Ian would have stopped talking to me because he’d be sick of listening, if you know what I mean… 😛

There was a very cautious man, who never laughed or cried.
He never risked, he never lost, he never won nor tried.
And when he one day passed away, his insurance was denied,
For since he never really lived, they claimed he never died.

Too much bad news spoils the blog

I’ve not had the best week in history. It’s not me or my family- in fact I am kind of guiltily looking around us all and seeing how gorgeous my family are and how WELL they are, and counting my very many blessings.

My dear friend and regular commenter here, Kristi, has had the most horrendous few weeks. She has a beautiful daughter, who I am going to call Princess G here, who is the same age as Ricky (four). They had been thinking that Princess G had mild asthma, but during a routine visit to the pediatrician, he registered some concern over her heart, and referred her to a specialist.

The results of the subsequent tests have been horrifying, and every day it seems to get worse. 😦 Initially, they said that Princess G would need major surgery on her heart to close a hole they found, but now it has become apparent that this precious little girl will need a new heart.

Kristi has been my friend for years now, and seeing pictures of Princess G and hearing about her antics (she has THE biggest personality) has been a constant source of joy to me. To hear that her life is in such terrible danger, and that she faces such horrendous challenges now is unthinkable and devastating to all that know her. There’s also the terrible fact that a child will have to die before she can have a new heart. I can’t get my head around it at all, but it’s all I can think about.

It makes you hold your own children closer when you’re hugging them.

There’s other stuff too, but this is so huge in my mind that everything else seems tiny.

Sending huge love to Kristi and her family as they face this journey.

The beginning of a beautiful friendship?

My two sons are suddenly developing a real friendship, which I am very much enjoying watch.

Robbie is an amazing talker- he is a total chatterbox and his speech has become very clear, so that pretty much everyone he meets can understand what he’s saying. He won’t be 2 until the end of next month, so I am delighted with how well he’s doing.

He and Ricky have become co-conspirators to quite a scary level! There’s a definite element of hero worship on Robbie’s part, which Ricky is well aware of, and uses. However Robbie, with the increasing verbal skills he has, is now willing to stand up for himself more, which I think is actually having a positive effect on Ricky.

Ricky’s now learning that he can’t always have his own way- something he’s always been very adept at achieving. The way Ricky gets his own way all the time sometimes knocks the breath out of me. The level of persistence he can demonstrate is staggering, and not in an “I want, I want” way until Ian or I “break”- he’s much more subtle than that. You’ll suddenly find that he’s managed to get what he wanted by manipulating a loop-hole in your argument against…he finds a way by using his brain rather than by demanding things. You won’t even realise he’s done it until it’s too late! It can be shocking to witness, even though it amuses me too!

I think he’ll be a politician when he grows up- his personal charm and diplomacy are amazing and he has a knack for saying the right thing at the right time. Maybe he’s already learned the valuable lesson that flattery will get you everywhere! 😀

Robbie’s much more straightforward, in a sense, and gets his way by being charming and sunny. It amazes me how he can be having such a dramatic and influential effect on his older brother’s behaviour!

I hope they’ll always be able to bounce off each other like this and be such close friends. Good brothers and sisters are a valuable commodity. They’ll never have such powerful allies as each other.

The sweetest thing

I’m very close to both my brothers, Marty and Brian, and think they are the very best kind of people. They are always there for me, and I know we share a very special bond, even though of course we fight like cats and dogs… 😀

Marty once commented in the middle of a sentence that he would “take a bullet” for either me or Brian, and whilst I didn’t say anything at the time, it really made a huge impression on me, because he was absolutely serious. That’s the kind of love money can’t buy, that time can’t change, that really matters.

They, along with my Dad, have both been a massive source of support, strength, cheer and hope to me through my recent struggle with cancer. I think it says a lot about my upbringing that we are very close even now as adults. If I may say so myself, my parents did a good job- their kids have strong values and close bonds. 🙂

Today, I was on the phone in work, and a delivery guy appeared with the most beautiful flowers. I kind of thought they might be for me, since I am the only girl who works there apart from Joanne, who is part time.

The flowers WERE for me- and when I opened the card, I got a lovely message from my youngest brother Brian (I can hardly type that because I call him Briney!! 😀 )

Upon phoning him, he told me that they weren’t for any special reason, but that he was very happy to see me feeling much better, and that he loved me.

It doesn’t get much better than that.

Ladies, take note. He’s single, funny, reasonably good looking and apparently more solvent than I previously gave him credit for. Plus he’s given to grandiose gestures of love.

WHY is it you’re still single, Briney??? 😀

Here’s a pic of me and Briney- Marty hates having his picture taken and would 100% absolutely murder me and never speak to me again if I posted his photo on my blog. 😦

Thanks to Briney for the amazing and unexpected gift, and to both brothers for…just being amazing. Love you both.

Hats!

I’m so fortunate to have been knitted and given lots of hats by my many friends in the States!

One of my friends, Niki, knitted me three hats, which have been amazingly versatile over the winter and which I have worn to death! She has an Etsy shop, so check it out if you have time. 🙂 I can certainly vouch for the quality of what she makes!

Robbie has taken THE most massive shine to one of the hats. Do you think it suits him? He puts it on himself (repeatedly) on a daily basis! 😀

The most moving gift I will ever receive

On Friday, I got a letter from customs asking me to collect a parcel they were holding. When I opened it, I could not believe my eyes and started to cry my eyes out!

My online friends in the States and Canada have been such a massive support to me since my diagnosis, but what they have done this time is beyond simple friendship, and has been the most wonderful surprise.

Each of them designed and decorated a square of fabric, which they then posted to my talented friend Stephanie, who brought it all together in the form of the most fabulous quilt.

This was a massive undertaking, which must have taken weeks or months to organise. I am in awe of the love these amazing women have demonstrated for me and can never, ever thank them adequately.

This is a family heirloom, something I am convinced will be handed down through generations. My great-great grandchildren will know what these wonderful friends have done for me.

Thank you, my dear, dear friends.

Here’s to Heidi!

I think every woman who is going through breast cancer needs someone in their lives like my friend Heidi.

She’s around the same age as me, and also has breast cancer. We were diagnosed at a similar time, had surgery at a similar time, and have been through a lot together.

We met totally randomly on a breast cancer website that neither of us goes to any more, so it was total chance and a very lucky one at that!

We’ve kept each other going through this- she’s been having a tough time with radiotherapy (her treatment isn’t including chemo) but has still managed to make me laugh through the chemo. After our surgery, when we couldn’t shave our armpits or wear deoderant, she nicknamed me Stinky Suzy and I called her Hairy Heidi. As you know, I find making light of the situation the best way to try and deal with it, and she has really helped me to do this.

Heidi’s last day of radiotherapy is tomorrow, and I am so excited that she will have finished her treatment!

So, Heidi, here’s looking at you!!! May tomorrow be the first day of the rest of your (very LONG, very HEALTHY) life.

And here’s a song for you, I know the band are one of your favourites. 🙂

Keane- Everbody’s Changing

Invading the dreams of others

My friends Lou and Phil recently moved to Sydney in Australia, having previously lived in New Zealand for a year. I know it’s been a big upheaval for them, but hope that things are settling down now, and that life in Oz will be everything they’ve ever dreamt of.

That said- apparently, Lou has been dreaming about ME! 😛 She sent me an email earlier and I know she won’t mind me posting it for your amusement. 🙂

Hi Suzy,

im just dropping you a line because i had a lovely dream about you last night and i thought you would find it amusing. Basically Phil and i were back home and all of our mutual friends were together in a bar. Pretty usual, except you were the landlady serving everyone drinks and it seemed to be like a local bar for local people (in the league of gentlemen sense). We seemed to be the only ones there (which given our drinking capacity im sure would not have impaired your income). You looked just as you did the last time we saw you before we left for NZ and seemed really happy in your role. I was really happy too, cause im assuming you were giving me mates rates! It was a really comforting happy dream and it resonated with me as soon as i woke up.

I think its all easily explainable though……….i’ve been missing everyone at home, Phil’s cousin in Christchurch just bought a bar in the countryside and as you have always been the consumate hostess, you would be the natural landlady figure. No psychoanaylis required there then! Of course its possible that there is an underlying deep-seated meaning to all of this and in my professional opinon it means that you and Ian should buy a pub in Dunfanaghy and invite everyone down for regular lock-ins!

For those of you who don’t know, The League of Gentlemen is a very bizarre comedy show that we get over here- it’s set in the Yorkshire Dales, is frequently quite bloody and features at times fairly strong horror, but it’s also pant-wettingly funny. I’m not too sure why a pub I run (even in Lou’s subconscious) would be similar to anything featured in The League of Gentlemen. I don’t know what this says about her opinion of me… 😀

For the record though, a lock-in (even if it has to be virtual) sounds like a great plan. Thanks Lou, for making me smile today!

For Bernadette!

I had a gorgeous afternoon yesterday, at my Dad’s house with Ian and the kids, plus my brother Brian, and great family friends Bernadette and Heather McP. My brother Marty had hurt his back, and was missed!

My Dad made the most magnificent lunch- fish cooked in cream and parmesan, leg of lamb with rosemary and garlic, and a delicious blackberry crumble. Brian brought a lemon meringue pie, and Heather a banana cake, which were both amazing!

Bernadette and Heather had brought me the most amazing birthday presents! My birthday tomorrow coincides delightfully with my second round of chemo, so it’s a bit of a no-go this year!

Heather gave me a gorgeous pampering set, and I have been using it already, it smells delicious. Thank you, my dear friend, you are the best!

Bernadette gave me SO many different things- several books, perfume and body lotion, a GORGEOUS red lippy (you know how much I love those!!), a beautiful handmade card…the list really did go on and I was so touched! One of her wonderful gifts was a beautiful magenta/purple silk scarf which matches one of my favourite tops perfectly. I have been wearing it all day!

 

She also got together with my Dad and collected flowers from his garden, turning them into the most gorgeous and artistic arrangement, which are now proudly displayed on our mantlepiece (please forgive the disgusting decor, the living room is beyond hideous- not our choice- but until the kids are old enough to stop trashing it, it’ll have to do!!)

Thank you SO MUCH to everyone for yesterday afternoon, to which everyone contributed and which I so much enjoyed. I am so spoiled!!!!