Bizarre hospital appointment

Well, firstly, everything seems to be OK with me, so we’ll get that out of the way right now! 😀 I am glad that they couldn’t find anything else. I will get a mammogram around July or August.

Before my examination, they wanted me to get changed into one of those capes which open at the front- the kind which are apparently supposed to make you feel like you have some minute shred of dignity left, when really you don’t.

Ian and I were ushered into one of those cupboard-style changing cubicles which have two doors, one to show you in, and one which goes into the consultation room. They are tiny. I got changed and we stood there, crammed in like sardines in this boiling hot cupboard for what felt like ages. The nurse had told us to wait until she came and got us.

So…apparently more than one cubicle open out into this particular consultation room. After a few minutes, we hear this elderly woman being let out of the cubicle next to ours into the consultation room. Ian and I stifle our giggles as we hear her being heaved onto the examination table.

Next thing, she and the dr are discussing her diverticulitis and the various creams she’s been using.

You’ve probably guessed what’s coming next, but to Ian and my horror, this delightful and informative conversation was then followed up by the fateful words “OK, now if you could just pull your knees up…” and thereafter followed a full rectal exam, which I can only be grateful we could not see, only hear.

The situation was so completely ludicrous that it was all Ian and I could do to remain upright. I was certain I was going to have a coughing fit, and nearly choked trying to prevent this. The poor old dear would have had heart failure!

When I was brought into the room myself, I found myself speaking very, very quietly. Who knows who lurked in the surrounding cupboards, and how much they now know about my boobs.


15 Responses to “Bizarre hospital appointment”

  1. 1 Lou
    March 12, 2009 at 4:46 pm

    Hilarious and very very creepy. I have a disturbing feeling that i’m going to end up dreaming about something related to that tonight!

    The phrase “Ahhh, swayte JAYSUS” kept springing to mind…. 😀

  2. March 12, 2009 at 4:47 pm

    Ooookey dokey! Some things are better left to the imagination…and some things are better left out of reach of even that!

    Sorry to have to involve you all. What’s my pain, is your pain as far as this blog is concerned!!! Now, enjoy your lunch, TB!!!

  3. 3 welshpurpletree
    March 12, 2009 at 5:06 pm

    I could visualise that so clearly, I’ve been in a cubicle like that. That poor lady she’d probably be horrified to know you were there. Think I would’ve had great difficulty controlling giggles too.

    It’s kind of horrific. Especially in hindsight!

  4. 4 Kim
    March 12, 2009 at 6:15 pm

    I’m impressed with your skill for not cracking up loudly and embarrassingly like I would have done.

    Hands were stuffed in mouths…

  5. March 12, 2009 at 6:20 pm

    Now, what would be really funny is if she turned out to be a reader of your blog 🙂

    Don’t even joke!!!

  6. March 12, 2009 at 6:25 pm

    oh my gosh! That is one of the FUNNIEST things I’ve read in a long time. I can only imagine! Bizarre, indeed.

    Very bizarre indeed!

  7. 7 emma
    March 12, 2009 at 7:25 pm

    fantastic! poor awld dear! x

    I am sure there will be some kind of karmic justice when (if) I get to be her age.

  8. 8 Emma C
    March 12, 2009 at 7:29 pm

    I was already feeling a little queasy!

    Sorry! 😀

  9. March 12, 2009 at 10:35 pm

    I don’t blame you one bit for speaking softly when it was your turn! Hahaha!! That’s all I would have been able to think about during my own examination!

    I have no dignity left, so it wasn’t as bad as you might imagine!

  10. 10 Bernadette
    March 13, 2009 at 12:02 am

    Not impressed with this one Suzy I have to say, though I couldn’t help smiling at the thought of you and Ian cramped in the ‘shoe box’. You and any other patient attending this or any clinic are entitled to privacy and dignity. Next time wear the gown with the opening at the back, keep the panties on, and insist on having good reasons why it should be otherwise.
    Apart from that the most important thing is that healthwise all is good with you and I hope very much that it will continue to be so. Take care and much love XXX

    You’re quite right Bernadette and we were pretty shocked that it happened. I can’t believe that’s how they operate in that hospital.

  11. March 13, 2009 at 2:46 am

    I guess hearing her examination made you think about yours a lot more. The lesson has to be to assume someone can always hear you…

    Definitely. It’s pretty scary when you think about it!

  12. 12 layla2376
    March 13, 2009 at 1:10 pm

    In my experience once women hit around 70 they are only to happy to discuss their bowels with anyone willing to listen, she probably would have been quite pleased to find out she had 2 further listeners, I wouldnt have been able to stiffle my giggles, I would have been discovered right away !
    ( On a serious nursey note – might be worth a mention on a patient experience / ideas card)

    I’ve been thinking about that, Leigh. It’s really pretty horrifying that they allowed that to happen!

  13. March 13, 2009 at 5:22 pm

    It’s amazing what old(er) people will discuss in public and especially on public transportation. There are ususally two cases of this:
    – they don’t know that they don’t need to shout into their phones to be heard (and they ARE being heard)
    – they’re not aware how loud they are being
    – they don’t care who knows

    I’ve overheard several awkard, squirming conversations on buses and wished I had not forgotten my mp3 player.

    Buses are great for that kind of thing. **shudder**

  14. March 13, 2009 at 5:24 pm

    THREE reasons why old people will have unesscessary conversations…


    And the slippers…

  15. March 14, 2009 at 6:41 am

    how comical.
    have a great weekend Suzy!

    Thanks Corey!

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