Robbie is my second and final child. I have big bleeding issues when I have a baby, and they warned me last time that a further pregnancy would be very high risk for me, and that I needed to think long and hard about it.
I’ve done my thinking, and I’m not having any more. I am certain I won’t change my mind on that- I loathe pregnancy and intensely dislike the sleepless nights of infancy! Plus it’s just too much of a risk to take. I have two amazing and beautiful children, and I am totally content with that.
I’m feeling a bit of a pang recently though, as I realise that Robbie is turning from a baby into a toddler, and Ricky is long since turned from a toddler to a child, that I no longer have any “babies”. Now, before I start trotting out cliches about them always being my baby, etc etc, I don’t mean it in that sense. I’ll always be their Mummy, of course.
But- it’s rapidly getting to the stage where I won’t be breast feeding ever again, which I feel surprisingly un-OK with, given that it took me nearly three months to not absolutely hate it! Plus before I know it, there won’t be any more rocking my baby to sleep in the evenings- it’ll be like Ricky’s current bedtime routine where he sits in bed while I read him three books (of his choice, no less!) and sing him a song with the lights off before he goes to sleep.
I love reading the books and singing the songs, but there’s something special about sitting in the dark with your little one snuggled against you, sleepy and warm and content to be with you.
So- while, on one hand, I can’t wait for Robbie to be walking and talking, and I am massively excited about his and Ricky’s blooming friendship, part of me feels like it’s just cruel of nature to move on like this! We’ve bonded very closely, and I think that a lot of the reason I haven’t stopped breast feeding yet is because I feel like I will lose that bond when I stop (stupid, huh?!!). Ricky was only breast fed for 2 months, due to supply issues which wouldn’t resolve no matter what I did, and it took us a lot longer to bond like that. I still sometimes feel that he is closer to Ian than to me, though we are also very close now. I think I am being a superstitious idiot about this, and it’s probably just the sleep deprivation making me all “angsty” again **rolls eyes**, so I need to wise UP! 
Am I the only numpty who feels this way? If you’ve been through it, how did you deal?
If you made it this far, you get the prize!!
